Guess what you lucky people you?! I'm looking for a new Mrs. Lyons!! All applicants must complete the following application and send it to the following address:
jeghedderfido@hotmail.com1. Name
2. Gender (Preferably female but males can also apply. That means you, Hex.)
3. Age (Only candidates aged 14-17 may apply. This rule does not apply to Hex.)
4. Physical Description + attach non-photoshopped picture (Blondes, Brunettes, Redheads, all are welcome. Please do not expect your photo to be returned, as I will likely use it to claim you as my sister, in an attempt to make you part of my elaborate lies to bed as many women as possible. Hex, don't worry, I won't use your pic as my make-believe sister. I'll pretend you are my brother. Hell, I'll even call you that in bed, too.
5. Location (Please do not apply if you live in Denmark. I do not want you stopping by my house un-announced as my wife might get upset and not give me sex for awhile. This will make me an even bigger ass to you and everyone else around me [Except Hex, of course.])
6. Bonus question: Are you opinionated, un-cooperative, ugly or do you think you are something special or ask lots of snoopy questions about my everyday life and past? If you've answered yes to any of these questions, please do not apply. (Unless you are Hex.)
Thank you for your application and please do not be offended if you are rejected. (Hex, call me.)
